Kittens mew mew

Gah.

Need time for self.

I think i should just stay away from people. Am a swirling vortex of negativity, cynicism and aggression.

I’m putting my blog back up.

I guess i miss having a public space of my own to vandalise and scandalise.

I miss being connected to everyone and being able to click on their blog links and not read them off like newspaper articles.

I miss having a place to write my thoughts, no matter how childish or imbecilic they may be, which is the reason why i took it off in the first place.

Also, the writing bug is biting me again. I feel like I’m starting to have opinions and ideas.

Well but anyway, i don’t expect to update this frequently. We shall just see how it goes.

 bleah.

 1

test

wow. feels like a long time since i touched the keyboard write something that was actual writing and not something copied or rephrased from somewhere else.

i have no idea whats wrong with me. or whether there is even something that i should be worried about.

i just have no questions. 

that troubles me because all my life, i have had too many questions and as the answers came up, i swallowed them voraciously. But more and more, i just feel like everything that comes up now, i just know. 

people would say something, and it would just make sense, but not in the “omg this is brilliant i feel smarter why didn’t i think about it lets talk”  sense but more in the “hmm that’s true”. its hard to put in across in words.

is it because i have reached a stage in life where i’m pretty satisfied with my own identity and in 

have i exhausted all opportunities to learn? i know that is not true, because there are things that can still shock me. but maybe it is beyond my ability to grasp at this point in time, and the only thing i can do, is to wait for these experiences to jump into my warm inviting arms. or maybe i just need to get back to my hobbies of watching movies and reading. o me of little faith, why hast thou forsaken me?

I like order. I like chaos. Any questions?
I also like 1 liners.

Feels a little quiet..but maybe this is for the best. Over the years, i have lost sight of the reason why i came up with this blog in the first place. A place where i am restricted in what i have to say, is hardly a sanctuary for me to reside in.

This is for all the jaden’s (and shawn’s) out there. LOL. Just some evidence to back up the pop lit claims…

“Proponents of the nice guy stereotype argue that women often say they wish to date kind, sensitive men, but, in reality, still choose to date macho men over nice guys, especially if the macho men are more physically attractive…results supported the nice guy stereotype. Lower levels of agreeableness predicted more less-committed, casual, sexual relationships.”

Urbaniak, Geoffrey C; Kilmann, Peter R. Niceness and dating success: A further test of the nice guy stereotype. [References]. [Journal; Peer Reviewed Journal] Sex Roles. Vol 55(3-4) Aug 2006, 209-224.

“The purpose of this study was to investigate why some women report a desire to date nice guys but prefer dating jerks. Specifically, young women’s dating choices based on their reasons for dating in general and the attractive/unattractive traits that they perceive that a man possesses were explored… reasons for dating (i.e., not wanting physical contact, wanting stimulating conversation, and wanting an exclusive relationship) and perceived personality traits (i.e., sweet/nice and physically attractive) influence a young woman’s desire to date a nice guy, and that perceived personality traits are better predictors of her choice of a man to date than are reasons for dating.”

McDaniel, Anita K. Young women’s dating behavior: Why/why not date a nice guy? [References]. [Journal; Peer Reviewed Journal] Sex Roles. Vol 53(5-6) Sep 2005, 347-359.

“As hypothesized, women who placed a lesser emphasis on the importance of sex, who had fewer sexual partners, and who were less accepting of men who had many sexual partners were more likely to choose the nice guy as a dating partner. The findings indicate that nice guys are likely to have fewer sexual partners but are more desired for committed relationships.”

Herold, Edward S; Milhausen, Robin R. Dating preferences of university women: An analysis of the nice guy stereotype. [References]. [Journal; Peer Reviewed Journal] Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy. Vol 25(4) Oct-Dec 1999, 333-343.

And for some reason, girls just like to find nice guys to whine about jerks, because while they are nice enough to whine to, they just aren’t all that nice enough to qualify as a mate…who ever cares about how the nice guys feel huh??? lol (i assume i’m nice )

Had 2 dreams last night. 

One involved me being involved in an iphone contest. No points for guessing where it came from. But,and this is wierd part, it wasn’t your run of the mill $299 iphone. It was a prototype iphone that had the ability to make people fly. I held the baby in my hands and quickly discovered that holy shit the thing was really made for me. I flew twice as far and twice as fast. I lost track of that dream sometime..but i can still remember the feeling.

The other one was twice as wierd. I was in a place, where all my acquiantances, friends, soul mates were there. They suggested going to pastamania for lunch. I agreed. Midway through…a girl suggested, rather coyly to me, to leave the group and heading out on our own. Heady with desire, i agreed to..but found myself suddenly abandoned in the middle of no where. I knew then…that i was going to die of massive internal bleeding. Filled with an impending sense of doom, didn’t feel afraid. I knew what i had to do. I turned back to grab my meagre belongings, and headed off to SGH, on foot. Somehow i managed to make my way across to this…jetty.

It stretches for miles, with only a handrail on the right or left side. In my hand i’m holding something, which i know is freaking important, but i can’t remember what it is. Might be a picture of a girl…but with no recollection of the girls face i remain doubtful. It was a place i had seen before in my dreams, whenever i was about to embark on a metaphorical journey of life. Its a place that i wouldn’t mind returning back to when i die, except for some reason i never do die there. It’s always a stop along something, something much bigger than i can see. Usually the dream ends there, nice enough ending … but this time it doesn’t. I continue to walk for what feel likes an eternity, sometimes precariously dropping into the big black open sea waiting to consume me. But i refuse to let go of the handrail.

I drop off somewhere near bedok. Its a lone  bustop, no architecture around, but lots of people milling around. Another resting place? I look for directions, and the bus guide gives me a number: 186. I wait and wait and wait, but it doesn’t ever come. I get scared. Flag down a comfort cab. The comfort cab doesn’t know the way, keeps driving me around in circles to run the meter. There is another person in the taxi…but somehow i know that he is dead. The dream ends there..i never do reach the hospital. Does that mean i die there too?

Had these 2 dreams after a mini discussion with Laura yesterday..think it might have been related. Hey dear, life may be taking us for a ride. But we still hope.