blogging in school for the first time!

Yes i know i’m behind the curve…mostly cos i have been running everywhere. but now i have some free time waiting for this video to encode finish so what the heck. have i been really negative so far? seems normal le considering what an EMO kid i am…but yea i admit there are a lot of things which i should be thankful for. I have been able to find people to sit with for every lecture or tutorial (cept eng lit help!) and am keeping myself happily occupied with extra curricular activities. But i keep feeling something odd. Hmm how best to describe it. In NUS you gotta flit from place to place forming your own transient connections and there’s nothing anchoring you down. which i suppose is liberating in some ways but scary in others? Maybe thats why my thoughts are so pessimistic….

Stevie Smith – Not Waving But Drowning

Nobody heard him, the dead man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought
And not waving but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved larking
And now he’s dead
It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,
They said.

Oh, no no no, it was too cold always
(Still the dead one lay moaning)
I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.

blogging in school for the first time!

The best-laid plans of mice and men go oft awry

its times like this when i wish my blog was more private..

a feeling was felt in the past week for which self affirmation was sought as a result..and try as i might to ignore it intrudes on me time and time again. but i’ll ignore that for the moment till i find a “healthier” resolution.

just read through half of the moonstone so for today i shall indulge my pseudo literary sensibilities. now i would just like if you could bear with me for a while to rant about my subject combination. hmm where should i begin..

Psychology was a pretty obvious choice for me but its a case of the end matters more than the means of achieving that end. its pretty boring stuff. Right now into the biological approach of it and well lets just say its not what i came to university for. That partly accounts my apprehension and the other part is a revelation that i was made painfully aware of. i always believed i was a good “people-reader” for want of a better word but i can’t recall for the life of me how i came to this conclusion. So in light of my new environment which has put my “people-reader” skills into question, i find that i can only be certain of two possibilities: one that i was never good at in the first place, and two, i’m only good at reading people who are like me. I rather it be the latter for it suggests something that can be readily overcome by accumulation of experience.

Moving on to what is a far more aggreeable subject – English Literature. Its something that i have cherished far too little and ignored far too much. So yes it is my happy la la land. but i don’t like poetry. take for instance this gem.

William Carlos Williams – Red Wheelbarrow

so much depends
upon

a red wheel
barrow

glazed with rain
water

beside the white
chickens.

LIKE WTF??? Its obviously a bunch of cock. Too much depends on you making some obscure link of which you can’t unless the teacher throws something at you. Or maybe its just me *shrug*

Forgive my impertinence on stepping out of character(my character being this pompuus buffoon steward of the house) this instance and allow me to bring the next subject to your kind attention. Which would be ah! Dear old friend of mine “Japanese Studies – Post War Film and Anime.” In truth! a mouthful if there ever was one and a more interesting module, i have yet to find. Of tiny favours i ask for none but one; that of the cute masters graduate to be my tutor.

Of Political Science and Singapore Studies I reserve my opinion. Of what good Reason can there be you ask and I say of good reasons there are but many, and the strongest and most valid of them all…is that i haven’t been paying attention. ūüėõ hur hur hur.

Last thing to add before i go to bed…i’m glad to have found Ame again. Time has not been kind to both of us, and for a brief period i thought you lost but i’m glad to see you again..even if you don’t look happy to see me LOL but i’ll always cherish you as my first true fren.

The best-laid plans of mice and men go oft awry

TRAIN OF THOUGHT POST

…one should learn to live independently of others

even if my sociology module teaches that personal choice and freedom is an illusion. that what we should be thinking of¬†when we think of personal choice is actually a social and collective norm. too often we find the idea of being independent mildly comforting¬†when the truth is we all belong to discernable social constructs, each of us given an expected role to play, and lets not even get started on the psychology module…

…In an indie film mood now, due to my Japanese Post War Film and Anime module. For all that the lecturer says its worth its esssentially a film appreciation course which means i might not do well to it. too used to watching films superficially and not taking note of the¬†, the metaphors, the allegories, the paid homages,¬†visual and musical cues¬†and theres so much to think about like cultural context….but i like the films they showcase…

…the words came out before i could take them back but in retrospect my unconcious mind said what my concious mind had long ignored and¬†swept under the rug, like Freud’s Rat Man. “its nothing that u’d be able to relate to anyway” and in the¬†open the words carried forth a swell of bitterness…

¬†EDIT : I DON’T HAVE A TIMETABLE YET HELP.

TRAIN OF THOUGHT POST