because i’m too lazy to pull together a proper post. I’m going to pull a yeowie.
Sometimes it makes sense.
Often, it manages to be unintentionally funny.
Some of this stuff is from ages back. i have no idea what triggered them. And now they look kinda lame. but i’m tossing them out before they get erased completely. like spring cleaning your house to make room for new furniture.
i was recently asked (in half exasperation) what it would take for me to believe in god and let me explain why the odds are definitely stacked against her/him. Its not enough for me, when something that has an astronomically small chance of coming true, comes true when i pray for it. What i need, is a miracle. Something that is not a naturally occurring outcome of the system. I believe in coincidences, i believe in chance, so i guess i would like to believe in intelligent design. I draw much of this philosophy from Tres Colors Red, a great movie, where small coincidences eventually come together to reveal themselves as part of a greater plan, that of redemption. And thats why i believe so many people turn to God near the end of their lives, for it is only then that they truly see the hand of something more.
me? I’m just waiting for the revelation to hit me.
its damm hard to gain weight can.
I calculated my daily calorie intake to maintain my current weight and it comes around to 1650 calories. I trust that since i haven’t shrunk to the size of a wrinkled walnut, I’m eating at least that much (even if it seems like i’m always throwing away half my food). the amount that i’m required to consume to gain 0.5kg a week is like 500 calories a day min.
and everywhere i turn its low fat, no sugar added, reduced cream.
otters are cute. i like otters. they remind me of a person who’s far away but ever still close to my heart.
I know what my problem already.
I don’t exactly know what i want.
It really is just a corollary about my personality. I am indecisive/non-assertive, but only because i know that not everybody is right all the time (the only thing i know, is that i know nothing) and sometimes, people that are just damm confident about something that they have no idea about, annoy me. But those of you who know me to a certain extent know that i can be assertive when i’m sure about something. or when i’m extremely irritated. which just makes it look damm bad la.
Theres this theory of impact bias. where people overestimate the intensity and duration of their emotional reactions to negative events. We believe that if we suddenly lost a loved one, we’d be so beset by grief that we’d be mourning them for years to come, but in fact, cognitive dissonance will sweep in like an uncalled horsemen of the apocalypse, and in one swooping motion, destroy everything that was true. We start to forget. And i don’t want that to happen. When we mourn, we celebrate how precious the memory was to us, and what it means to lose it.
To be able to forget is to say that perhaps, we could have done without it.
i have no reason to be.
Just watched this show, Before Sunrise (1995). Its an extremely beautiful movie about how two individuals spend one night exploring Paris and exchanging thoughts about life. Reminds me of this short story.
Love, it tears us apart. But without it theres just an empty void.
People fall in love everyday. I have loved. But i have never actually been in love. I have loved their physical features, not just their peaks and valleys, but also the way the hair falls on their face and the way their body shakes when they laugh. I have loved their idiosyncrasies, their wit, their insecurities, their loves. But i have never understood how its possible to fight and not be hurt, and not to remember. I have never had to choose between staying on or letting go. I have never understood what it means to sacrifice something for the person you love. I have never been kissed. I have never cheated nor been cheated upon.
I’m a cynic without cause, a lover without consequence. Is that something to be thankful for?
Words are cheap.
Good to eat.
But for once
I’d like to keep them.